I’ll come clean. When I built my
computer, instead of shelling out for windows, I simply installed the operating
system from the disk my friend had used for his computer. This meant that I
couldn’t verify it, because the product key could validate only one copy.
This caused some problems. My desktop
would revert to a black screen with a small message in the corner reading “this
copy of windows is not genuine” after a day. Fine, no big deal. The real
backbiter was the pop-up helpfully informing me that I “may be the victim of
software counterfeiting.” Thanks.
This pop-up was given high priority by
the computer of course, so any games I was playing would move to the background
when it reared its head. Many games don’t automatically pause, but the controls
are suspended, so I’d watch as enemies surrounded and killed me. Fullscreen was
unplayable, so I always saw the menu at the bottom.
This was somewhat embarrassing, as I
enjoy games with local coop modes, and don’t want to have to explain that my
computer is a bit janky to someone playing a game for the first time with me.
But it’s fine now. I’ve gone straight,
cleaned up my act. I bought a key online. No more lunging in panic for the
mouse to click on the game window before a monster devours my friends or myself.
Hallelujah.
 |
| Broforce now in full force. |
No more will James Brond or the Boondock
Bros from Broforce live in fear of freezing up and being unable to perform.
Broforce may still be a difficult game of twitchy triggers and explosive chain
reactions, but without hiccups in fifteen minute intervals, I can focus all of
my anxiety on keeping track of my bros.
 |
| Cortex Command is far more attractive in fullscreen now. |
In Cortex Command, your soldiers fight on
autopilot, but if you’re commanding them, they’ll cede control to the player.
So when I’m jetpacking over entrenched enemies, I don’t have to worry about my
soldier giving up on life and falling into their blazing gun-barrels.
 |
| Gauntlet, smoother than ever. |
The worst offender on the list is the fiercely
competitive cooperative game Gauntlet. On certain levels the Grim Reaper
himself shows up to chase your band of heroes and slays in one touch. Halt the
controls for a moment and you can kiss your progress goodbye. No more!
My adventuring companions have already
thanked me. I should have bought it sooner. The kicker is that it cost around
seventy bucks instead of the couple hundred I had believed it to cost.
