Procrastination

I can ring a doorbell easily. New things don't scare me. I'm happy meeting people. I'll happily try unfamiliar foods.

The tough thing for me is concentrated work. I procrastinate. It's not as simple as committing to pushing a button. It's pushing a button, then holding it down for two hours. Or at least that's how it seems. It's difficult to hold in my thoughts that beginning is the hardest part, because I can so easily find something else to do.

And beginnings are definitely the hardest. Once you get going, often times it flies by. Get into the thick of a paper and the words will keep coming. Facing that door, knowing that I could just go somewhere else instead of standing at it, waiting to pass through. That's hard. So I turn away. Too often, I turn away.

Even when I get started, a hiccup can bring it all to a halt. Struggling to comprehend a concept in German, or finding no leads on a bit of research I need can push me back to the beginning.

And if you read that, I'm glad you pushed on through.

Aurora

I've always wanted to see an aurora. Not to find my spirit animal etched in glowing lines across the night sky, or behold the magic of it. No, the facts are far more fascinating to me.

Auroras are the eddying solar winds washing across our planet's force field. Well, kinda. If you didn't know, our planet is magnetically active. The action of our iron core generates a magnetic sphere of influence around our planet, which diverts the particles and energy of solar winds. Otherwise we'd be dead, scoured off the face of our planet fairly quickly by radioactive "wind."

Auroras illustrate those solar winds' energies spectacularly. They can be seen where they are bent towards the atmosphere and lose their steam. You know how a meteor superheats and wears that flaming hat of "I'm gonna really fuck you up" when it's careening towards the Earth in movies? It's a similar principle, except with mostly pure energy being dampened and shed through our ionizing atmosphere.

I'd love to sit under it and visualize the stream of energy flying past. Makes you feel small.

Orange Mists

In fantasy worlds, weather can take a turn for the weird. Storms don't just get bigger, they get stranger too.

"At first we thought it a trick of the light. Dust or something kicked up by the wind. Hells, maybe it was, but it weren't no normal dust. Looked vibrant as a fruit and tasted musty. Gave you quite a cough and made you feel a strange kind of chill. Everyone lit up their fires and clutched em like they were life. Worse though, was the animals. I reckon it's cause they can't make their own fire."

Orange mist can be the result of supernatural phenomenon, alchemical explosions, or creeping curses. It causes light obscurement and lasts 2d4 days, or until it rains. While the mists persist, animals in the area must make a charisma save dc 15 or be drawn to sources of heat and exhibit a supernatural ability to detect it within 6 miles. They become hostile to all humanoids using fire and attempt to attack them, as well as gaining 1d4 temporary hit points each turn they spend in the mist.

Deer come stampeding out of the forest, wolves circle towns and rats boil up in the streets, clawing through windows. Settlements that do not utilize fire are safe.

A Pipe Runs Through It

The property was over an oil field but my father wouldn't give it up. When he passed, we had the responsibility of dividing it. Dickenson Ranch became another set of coordinates on a landman's county record listing. The rest of the kids and I didn't know how we'd pass the land off.

We decided to have one last adventure in those hills before the pumps and derricks sprouted across it. Sarah and Connor showed up, but our delinquent sister Martha never did. She was busy in Los Angeles doing god-knows-what and wasn't allowed across state lines.

We revisited King Mountain, the largest hill. I even found our scepter. SSCM was burned into the branch near the knot at the top. Connor and I put together a new throne of stones- what we used to call boulders. They'd been immovable. Sarah gathered the white flowers along the King's slopes for a crown.

We sat for a time, Connor and I with our spears and Sarah with her crown, talking about the old days. Martha wasn't here to be the Red Queen, so Connor became a defacto knight of the White Queen's realm. No sense in playing sides anymore. We were all on one, even Martha.


We scratched out initials into the throne and almost even took a picture, but decided against it.

Now pipes vein the hills. Maybe someday they'll serve as gates and bridges for future realms in those hills.

Jellyfish

It surfaced off starboard, rocking the small research vessel. Iridescent spots coated the bell.

"holy shit," Rick said whistling.
"I told ya I weren't shitting ya," Francois, the local fisherman, said.

This beast dwarfed the lion jelly. Medusozoa Leviathani. He had pictures, but they didn't do the creature justice. It looked like a bulge in the ocean sporting a colony of colorful plankton. The thing had to be at least a hundred feet across.

"And you say you're going in with it?" Francois laughed. "I wouldn't go near that even if I had a submarine."

Rick began suiting up while the crew took notes. Even while he pulled the diving suit on he couldn't take his eyes off the thing. The crew wondered aloud why it stayed surfaced so long. Then it hit him. Those spots across it were eyespots. It was watching them too.

"Watch it Rick! You want to stumble over the edge? We're not going in after you."

The spots along the thing were primitive, as with any jellyfish, but the sheer number of them put the things visual resolution well above even predatory hawks.

As Rick stepped into the water, the bell of the beast convulsed once, depressing and drawing water into the bowl to jet away. He barely got ahold of a tentacle before the jellyfish was moving. Water swirled around him and glassy tendrils like the branches of a weeping willow covered him.

Nearby the turbulent water from the jelly's actions could blast Rick off easily, and the waves of the tentacles brought him close each time the thing pulsed.

His thick gloves protected him while he took cuttings and placed them in sample pouches, marveling at the find. Where had this been?

Little Red

We all know the story of little red riding hood, but this last summer I heard a stranger tale. We were sitting around the fire, and as the storyteller relayed it, she gestured with an antler she'd found earlier in the underbrush.

The story was one of girls and red hoods and forests that at first appeared familiar. A child went to her grandmother's house in the woods. She was sent there by her parents after a string of terrible nightmares. They told her to listen to her grandmother's words. She journeyed over the river and through the- well you know.

Once she heard growling, and a snarling beast approached, but it stopped, cocked its head and sniffed. As if alerted by a scent of easier prey, it took off through the trees.

The little girl arrived at her grandmother's house and approached the well-etched door. Deep grooves crossed it and the frame it sat in. A strong door, thought the girl. One which kept the wolves at bay. It was ajar, so she pushed inside.

The room was dark and strewn with broken furniture and fur. On the floor near her scraps of cloth fluttered in the fresh breeze. She knelt and gingerly touched one. Calico, with lace. Her grandmother's dress, or one of them.

A wet slapping sound and a snap jolted her. The animal was still there. Then from the shadows a huge furred beast approached, far larger than the wolf on the road.

"Ah pup, you're just in time for dinner. The dreams have started, haven't they?"

As the little girl's eyes adjusted to the gloom she saw the ruined form of a stag behind the beast.

Banana Job

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Wild Magic

I love unpredictable magic. There's a whole universe of possibilities and players never know what will happen. This is why I think that wild magic sorcerers are a wonderful addition in fifth edition D&D. They really sell the class and give it a personality. Sorcerers aren't trained magicians, they're emotionally charged lightning rods of arcane energy. They channel powers beyond their understanding and occasionally they hit oil- or wild magic as the case may be. And those surges can be real gushers.

I've added another 50 effects to the already-awesome wild magic surge table for a nice rounded out 100. Easy on those 1d100 rolls.

Wild Magic Surges:

1)    . Roll on this table at the start of each of your turns for the next minute, ignoring this result if on subsequent results

2)    . For the next minute, you can see any invisible creature if you have a line of sight to it

3)    . A modron chosen and controlled by the DM appears in an unoccupied space within 5 feet of you, then disappears 1 minute later

4)    . You cast fireball as a 3^rd level spell centered on yourself

5)    . You cast magic missile as a 5^th level spell

6)    . Roll a d10. Your height changes by a number of inches equal to the roll. If the roll is odd, you shirnk. If the roll is even, you grow.

7)    . You cast confusion centered on yourself

8)    . For the next minute, you regain 5 hit points at the start of each of your turns

9)    . You grow a long beard made of feathers that remains until you sneeze, at which point the feathers explode out from your face

10) . You cast grease centered on yourself

11) . Creatures have disadvantage on saving throws against the next spell you cast in the next minute that involves a saving throw

12) . Your skin turns a vibrant shade of blue. A remove curse spell can end this effect

13) . An eye appears on your forehead for the next minute. During that time, you have advantage on Perception checks that rely on sight.

14) . For the next minute, all your spells with a casting time of 1 action have a casting time of 1 bonus action.

15) . You teleport up to 60 ft to an unoccupied space of your choice that you can see.

16) . You are transported to the Astral Plane until the end of your next turn, after which time you return to the space you previously occupied or the nearest unoccupied space if that space is occupied.

17) . Maximize the damage of the next damaging spell you cast within the next minute.

18) . Roll a d10. You age changes by a number of years equal to the roll. If the roll is odd, you get younger (minimum 1 year old). If the roll is even, you get older.

19) . 1d6 flumphs controlled by the DM appear in unoccupied spaces within 60ft of you and are frightened of you. They vanish after 1 minute.

20) . You regain 2d10 hit points.

21) . You turn into a potted plant until the start of your next trun. While a plant, you are incapacitated and have vulnerability to all damage. If you drop to 0 hp, your pot breaks and your form reverts.

22) . For the next minute, you can teleport up to 20 ft. as a bonus action on each of your turns.

23) . You cast Levitate on yourself.

24) . A unicorn controlled by the DM appears in a space within 5 ft of you, then disappears 1 minute later.

25) . You can’t speak for the next minute. When you try, pink bubbles float out of your mouth.

26) . A spectral shield hovers near you for the next minute., granting +2 AC and immunity to magic missile.

27) . You are immune to being intoxicated by alcohol for the next 5d6 days.

28) . You hair falls out but regrows in the next 24 hours.

29) . For the next minute, any flammable object you touch that isn’t being worn or carried by another creature bursts into flame.

30) . You regain your lowest-level expended spell slot.

31) . For the next minute, you must shout when you speak.

32) . You cast Fog cloud centered on yourself.

33) . Up to 3 creatures you choose within 30 ft of you take 4d10 lightning damage.

34) . You are frightened by the nearest creature until the end of your next turn.

35) . Each creature within 30 ft of your becomes invisible for the next minute. The invisibility ends on a creature when it attacks or casts a spell.

36) . You gain resistance to all damage for the next minute.

37) . A random creature within 60 ft of you becomes poisoned for 1d4 hours.

38) . You glow with bright light in a 30ft radius for the next minute. Any creature that ends its turn within 5 ft of you is blinded until the end of its next turn.

39) . You cast polymorph on yourself. If you fail the saving throw, you turn into a sheep for its duration.

40) . Illusory butterflies and flower petals flutter in the air within 10 ft of you for the next minute.

41) . You can take one additional action immediately.

42) . Each creature within 30 ft of you takes 1d10 necrotic damage. You regain hp equal to the sum of the damage dealt.

43) . You cast Mirror Image.

44) . You cast fly on a random creature within 60 ft of you.

45) . You become invisible for the next minute. During that time other creatures can’t hear your. The invisibility ends if you attack or cast a spell.

46) . If you die within the next minute you come back to life as if by the reincarnate spell.

47) . Your size increases by one size category for the next minute.

48) . You and all creatures within 30 ft of you gain vulnerability to piercing damage for 1 minute.

49) . You are surrounded by faint ethereal music for the next minute.

50) You regain all expended sorcery points.

51)  Held item becomes +1 magic weapon and glows with bright light 10ft. It loses all magic after a critical hit and is destroyed. Roll on Magic Meltdown.

52) Reverse gravity within 100ft cube for one round.

53) You disappear for 2 seconds, after which you reappear naked. You equipment is expelled from the extra-dimensional space 1 minute later.

54) Water you touch freezes for 5ft around the point you contact. Lasts 1 hour.

55) You appear to be made of the material you were standing on at the time this was rolled for 1d4 hours.

56) Hold Person cast as a 2^nd lvl spell on all creatures within 60 ft, including yourself.

57) Your spells are accompanied by an enthusiastic narration declaring their title for the next minute. Ex:“Maaaagic Missile!” audible for 100ft.

58)  Develop allergy to magic items. Their presence on your person causes you to itch and sneeze, granting disadvantage on concentration saves and forcing them on each of your turns. Can only be removed by Remove Curse.

59) Gain 1d20 temp hp. Until you lose them through damage you gain 10ft extra movement speed.

60) All applicable apertures within 50ft are closed and sealed as per an Arcane Lock

61) One of your ability scores is increased to 19 at random for 1 minute.

62) Everyone within 60ft makes a dc 10 wisdom save or has disadvantage on checks with a random ability determined once for everyone for 1 minute.

63) The next creature you kill explodes into multi-colored confetti and brown jelly.

64) You take 2d10 radiant damage and nearest ally within 20ft heals that amount.

65) A spherical shell of ice surrounds you. 30hp and vulnerability to fire. Full cover.

66) Your eyes blaze with baleful light. Immediately make a 30ft cone attack doing 2d8 radiant damage. Targets are blinded until your next turn. You are blinded for 1 minute.

67) Lose rigid bone structure for 1 minute. Become prone. Disadvantage on Str checks and saves.

68) A raincloud hovers overhead. It is a 15 ft radius over the caster for 1 minute. Any beneath it have a 10% chance at the end of their turn of being stuck by lightning. Dex save dc equals caster save to half damage. Otherwise, 4d10 lightning damage.

69) Your fists glow and do 1d12 damage instead of 1 and you have advantage on grapple checks for 1 minute.

70) Changes biological sex to the “opposite” for 1d4 days.

71) Cast polymorph on yourself. If you fail the save, you turn into a Constrictor Snake.

72) Choose an ally within 30ft and swap places with them instantly.

73) You leave a trail of caustic fog behind you where you move. All spaces you occupy until the end of your next turn do 1d6 acid damage. Dissipates after 1 minue.

74) A large stack of identical books is summoned next to you. Treat as half cover.

75) A torrent of water spews from your hands 1d4 rounds. Carried items are pushed 15 ft away, can’t perform somatic components to spells. You may use your action to aim at an enemy within 15 ft. If they fail a STR save they are pushed back 15 ft and fall prone.

76) A random exotic language replaces all known languages for 1d4 days.

77) Make an intelligence save or gain one short term madness.

78) Make an intelligence save or gain one long term madness.

79) A pair of ethereal arms sprout from your back wielding two sickles. They may make two attacks on a valid target at the end of your turn (+2 1d4 force damage) for 1 minute.

80) You have a vision of the future in which you have married your current enemy and lived out your golden years with them. Try as you might, you cannot bring yourself to harm them in the face of the vivid images, and they feel the same if they fail a Cha save. Grudges remain, and you’re still aware that they’re enemies, but neither of you may harm each other until the visions abate in 1 hour.

81) Roll for a minor magical mutation. It fades after 2d6 days.

82) 30ft radius around you becomes a temporal distortion zone for 1d4 days. 50% chance 1/100^th speed, 50% chance x100 faster speed.

83) Grow gills allowing waterbreathing for three days. You crave saltwater.

84) You smell very strongly for 1d4 days. Roll 1d4 1) Cinnamon 2) Chlorine 3) Feces 4) Totally nothing. Animals can’t smell you even.

85) Your eyes and ears fall off harmlessly, but you may still sense through them at any distance. They may be easily reattached and removed for the next 1d4 days. If at the end of this period they are not attached, they are actually severed.

86) Flaky fungus grows from your clothes and the walls and floor within 20ft in a puff of spores. Dc 15 Nature to craft into poison that does 2d10 poison damage if the victim fails a dc 10 con save. They wither over the next day unless in damp darkness.

87) Your hair and nails grow an inch per minute for the next hour. That’s five feet.

88) You are disoriented. You lose all memory of location, and direction for 1 day.

89) Gout of flies fly from mouth for 1d4 rounds.  Con save each turn or lose your action.

90)  The caster begins aging 5 years an hour. When they reach 100 years, they die, and an infant crawls from their body’s skin. It continues to age at the same rate until it reaches 20. Same character, same memories.

91) A black tree erupts from the ground in front of you. If anything dies in the presence of the tree, the tree sprouts a hard, spiny fruit with the creature’s soul inside.

92) Surfaces within 20ft are contorted with faces and mouths that shriek and bite, becoming difficult terrain. They become de-animate after 1 minute.

93) Grasshopper legs. Double jump distance, but noisy movement. Lasts 1 hour. You shed the carapace, revealing your boneless grub-like legs. Bones regrown in 1 hr.

94)  Grow gourds every time you tell the truth for the next hour. If eaten, they heal 1hp.

95)  Floating glyphs surround caster.

96)  Corpses of the last 4 humanoids you’ve spoken to appear around, bloody.

97)  A random item you’re carrying becomes sentient and capable of telepathic communication for 1d4 days. Insists it was always sentient and will sleep again.

98)  Small white worms crawl from your pores. Any disease or poison is removed.

99) The end of a silk rope protrudes from your mouth. If pulled on, it reveals itself to be 50ft long.

100)                Everyone within 6 miles knows your name, general description and last 12 seconds of action.

Dark Souls 2 and Laryngitis

I lost my voice a day ago, and have yet to regain it. As a result, I stayed in my room for much of the day playing Dark Souls 2. Some of my friends have been playing as well, and it shows.

You see, in Dark Souls games, you can cooperate with other players against the monsters and warriors of the game. You can't talk though. Communication is limited to gestures and clunky messages left between players that fade in and out saying things like "Liar ahead" and "Beware but hole!" The messages are cobbled out of a few preset phrases and words that can be fit into them like a hellish game of Mad Libs scrawled on the cobblestones of the game's dungeons. Gestures are even more limited. When you summon the phantom of another player, they join your game temporarily and may silently communicate by pointing, waving, bowing, shaking their head or performing a number of other gestures.

A wave: less formal than a bow and often reserved for goodbyes rather than hellos.

Often times they just raise their arms in a Sun Salute. But you'd be surprised how often they get their messages across. Repeatedly pointing at a blank wall? It's probably an illusion to be investigated.

Inevitably I was required to leave my room and greet people, as one of our friends was in town. I communicated by gestures. It felt pretty natural after six hours of jolly cooperation in Dark Souls. My friends who had also played recently picked up pretty quick and would gather my meaning after a guess or two, if that. My girlfriend doesn't play though. She and a few others struggled, having not been trained by the rigors of limited communication.

Now, I suppose there is a difference between videogame communication and real-work communication. In Dark Souls there's very little to intuit from the gestures, since your only real interactions with the world are to kill things, walk around, and click on loot or levers. In meatspace there are a few more concepts to grapple with. Try telling someone to be patient with your hands. Or asking for two more minutes.

The House of Rules

As a follow-up to my previous post, here are a few more of my home-brewed rules. Some modify existing rules, such as the slightly expanded number of magical items able to be attuned. Some simply provide loose rules to handle situations I often found myself in with no guidelines in the rulebooks, such as the gambling table or the guide to handling animals. 

The House of Rules

Religious Rites: Anyone with proficiency in Religion may attempt to perform religious rites once per long rest as long as they have some holy water and a holy symbol. They spend 1 hour then make a dc 15 religion check. If they succeed, they are blessed by their patron deity and gain inspiration. On a 5 or lower, they displease the deity, and are stricken with a curse, making wisdom saves at disadvantage until they take a long rest. They make their religion check at disadvantage if they have performed the rites the previous day, and advantage if they describe the rites in great detail, or offer something extra like a sacrifice of gold, expensive incense or livestock. Paladins gain +1 radiant damage on attacks made during that day against evil creatures and undead. Clerics gain an additional boon based upon the Domain of their patron deity. These effects last until the next long rest.

• Creation: A shield is created, and may be used even by those not normally proficient. The shield appears to be made of any material of the supplicant’s choice.
• Knowledge: A single question may be posed and will be answered albeit vaguely, through their next dream.
• Life: Gain 5 temporary hp.
• Light: A glowing orb condenses. It may be thrown against a surface to flare brightly once. All within 30ft make a Dex check dc 10 or be blinded if surprised for 1 min.
• Nature: An animal carries a small bundle of herbs and things that may be used as a 5 charge healer’s kit, or a single use item that heals 5 hp. Rots quickly.
• Tempest: A nearby receptacle is filled with1 gallon of water that reduces one point of exhaustion when consumed.
• Trickery: A mask appears, that when donned, casts disguise self on the wearer then vanishes.
• War: The deity’s favored weapon is created. It is magical for resistance purposes.
• Death: A bone is enchanted with deadly magic and, if broken, Does 2d8 necrotic damage to target that you can see and causes them to be stunned for 1 turn. Wisdom save dc 9 prevents stunning and halves damage.

Focus Overcharging: A focus may be used to channel more power than normal at some risk. A character may attempt to cast a spell without using a slot, or cast a spell as if it were a higher level. To determine if the focus maintains integrity, user rolls a check using their spellcasting ability against a dc of 1d10+spell levels used (cumulative). Better quality foci grant -1, -2 or -3 on the dc and some even resist meltdown effects a single time. If the user fails the check, the foci is destroyed and the user must roll on the Magic Meltdown table.

Spell Scrolls: Spell scrolls may contain any divine or arcane spell, as well as powerful magic that cannot easily be replicated and is not possible to copy into a spellbook. Unidentified scrolls can be deciphered with relevant spells, or with a dc (10+spell lvl) arcana check. To copy an appropriate spell into a spellbook, a wizard must succeed on an arcana check dc 10+spell level. The scroll is destroyed in the process.

If the spell is on the user’s spell list, they may cast it without using material components. If it is on their list but of a higher level than they are able to cast, they must succeed on a check using their relevant spellcasting ability, dc 8+ spell level. If it is not on their list, the dc is 12+spell level and requires an arcana check. If you fail to cast from a scroll make an intelligence save dc 10 or roll on the mishap table pg. 140 in the Dungeon Master’s Guide.

Spell scrolls can be created without the formula by wizards who know the relevant spell. It requires one week, preparing the spell and expending its slot each day, can only be done by a lvl 4 or higher wizard, and costs 30gp x spell level + material component costs. Components must only be used in the final casting of the spell on the seventh day. Scrolls require rare inks that sometimes require quests to find.

Attunement: One may attune up to 4 items at any given time, though only one of each “body slot.” Attunement takes 1 hour. It does not reveal any of the items properties. If the item is cursed, this is not revealed, but to remove the object from one’s person, one must succeed on a dc 22 Wisdom save, which may be repeated once per day. Players are not told that equipment is cursed, and are only informed of the save to remove it when they attempt to do so.

Handle Animal: The DC for a check to handle an animal is calculated differently for wild and domesticated animals. Characters may repeat checks every 24 hrs.

Wild base dc = 2xHD

Domesticated dc = HD+owner’s WIS score -5.

Modifiers: The DC gets +1 for each ally to the animal nearby. +2 if they have the Pack Tactics trait. Disadvantage if nearby allies are hostile, or if in combat. Advantage if offered food.

Gambling: Checks made per hour gambled. Composite of many games.

Dice: No ability score tied to it. Chance.

Chess: Opposed intelligence checks.

Cards: Opposed wisdom checks.

Wager: up to how much the opponents are willing to put down.

Cheating: Opposed roll. Slight of hand vs. Perception. Adv. on success.

Winnings options:

            Skill: 10% gain/loss of wager per point won/lost in opposed roll.

            Chance: 1d10 x 10 is % you gain/lose of your wager.